Sassy's World
Friday, May 16, 2008
When life gives you lemons....
You throw them at people! Life right now sucks ass. First off, a really good friend of mine and her man split up. She's upset but not letting on, he's upset and letting the whole world know.
Lastnight I was chatting to the chickie mentioned above, she got offline at shortly after 9pm. She went offline and shortly there after, I'd say 4 or 5 minutes. I put the laptop down and worked on my plastic canvas while watching supernatural. I fed the baby at 10pm and headed on up to bed to watch a bit of TV in peace while both children were sleeping. I hear my phone ringing shortly after 11:30pm which is rare in my house so I run for the phone, pick it up and its another friend of ours in hysterics. I can't understand what he's going about, but none the less I pick out of a few things like....he's....pills...knife...dead...I'm like WTF. I finally got him to slow down and found out that the boyfriend mentioned above, decided to find a way to get the answers he wanted, how I'm unsure of yet but I'm sure I'll find out one day. THEN he decided that life was not worth living anymore. Wrote a suicide not, went to the bathroom and thats where the drs found him at 6am this morning. I wake up to a msn online message that reads.
"He decided that his daughter wasn't all that important I guess Sassy cause he ended it lastnight. Not sure how yet but there was a note so we know it was suicide. Buddy took his kids and moved out lastnight so I'm not sure what is going on, will let you know when I find out more"
So yesterday there was a big war between a few people yesterday because the boyfriend decided to tell a few of us that we were being called liars which hurt. This chickie and I have been friends for like 18 years and to think that there was a possibility that she didnt trust me or thought I was a liar killed me. When she explained that she wasn't accusing anyone but someone was lying I felt relieved. Then he told chickie that he couldn't talk to her anymore and logged off, I hadn't heard from him since and then this morning I wake up to find out he is gone.
I have mixed feelings about this. First off, I'm upset he's gone, he left behind a beautiful little girl who deserves a dad, he left behind his family, his friends and most of all an ex who's going to no doubt feel as guilty as hell. I also find myself angry about it, because it shows just how weak he was and also I want to know if he was lying this entire time, because if I find out he was and I was apart of it (but not because I wanted to be, hell I didnt even know anything was wonky) which means I was lied to and was a part of a lie without even knowing it. I'm not happy about this at all.
Part of the suicide note goes as follows
To all that me knows and loves
Guilt is funny, love is funny, sickness is funny. It all in the end, ends up fucked up. me leaves behind many friends and family and me loves each and everyone of them in their own way. Me just can't live with meself after all that has gone down in the last 2 weeks. Me has hurt many people, done some bad things, and been someone me is not. Me hopes that people can one day forgive me for what me has done. There is once certain person that me would like to say me is sorry to and me hopes that you goes on to has a happy life, me figures that if me erases meself totally out of yer life, you will soon know what me is talking about, then you will be able to move on with no memories of me other then a broken pocket. Thanks for everything you did. Please dont feel guilty, me did it to meself.
In that part of the note ~ I see the words GUILTY written all over it, and yesterday he had the fuckin gall to tell me I, ME SASSY was going to look like a damn fool. I got a little bent on chickie because I thought at first she called ME SASSY a liar. I'm down right fuckin pissed over this whole bloody thing. THEN to make the best of it. A friend of ours whom I shall call "B" feels guilty over this whole mess. Now he's not doing so well either and so help me fuckin jesus, if he "offs" himself because of guilt. I'm going to bring them all back from the dead to kill them my damn self. B feels guilty because he said if he had of kept his mouth shut, boyfriend wouldn't know nothing of proof being brought up against a liar and boyfriend would still be here. I'm pretty sure that chickie told boyfriend that she was digging up proof but I'm not entirely sure.
So in recap, I got offline around 9:20pm, give or take a few minutes. Was in bed by 10pm, by 6am this morning the world fell apart. So now, I must be a strong set of shoulders for whoever may need me. To the few of you that read the blog that are a part of this, I'm here for you if you need me, I'll do what I can. Love you all!
*~*Chow*~*
Rest in peace *boyfriend* I will one day meet up with you again!
Lastnight I was chatting to the chickie mentioned above, she got offline at shortly after 9pm. She went offline and shortly there after, I'd say 4 or 5 minutes. I put the laptop down and worked on my plastic canvas while watching supernatural. I fed the baby at 10pm and headed on up to bed to watch a bit of TV in peace while both children were sleeping. I hear my phone ringing shortly after 11:30pm which is rare in my house so I run for the phone, pick it up and its another friend of ours in hysterics. I can't understand what he's going about, but none the less I pick out of a few things like....he's....pills...knife...dead...I'm like WTF. I finally got him to slow down and found out that the boyfriend mentioned above, decided to find a way to get the answers he wanted, how I'm unsure of yet but I'm sure I'll find out one day. THEN he decided that life was not worth living anymore. Wrote a suicide not, went to the bathroom and thats where the drs found him at 6am this morning. I wake up to a msn online message that reads.
"He decided that his daughter wasn't all that important I guess Sassy cause he ended it lastnight. Not sure how yet but there was a note so we know it was suicide. Buddy took his kids and moved out lastnight so I'm not sure what is going on, will let you know when I find out more"
So yesterday there was a big war between a few people yesterday because the boyfriend decided to tell a few of us that we were being called liars which hurt. This chickie and I have been friends for like 18 years and to think that there was a possibility that she didnt trust me or thought I was a liar killed me. When she explained that she wasn't accusing anyone but someone was lying I felt relieved. Then he told chickie that he couldn't talk to her anymore and logged off, I hadn't heard from him since and then this morning I wake up to find out he is gone.
I have mixed feelings about this. First off, I'm upset he's gone, he left behind a beautiful little girl who deserves a dad, he left behind his family, his friends and most of all an ex who's going to no doubt feel as guilty as hell. I also find myself angry about it, because it shows just how weak he was and also I want to know if he was lying this entire time, because if I find out he was and I was apart of it (but not because I wanted to be, hell I didnt even know anything was wonky) which means I was lied to and was a part of a lie without even knowing it. I'm not happy about this at all.
Part of the suicide note goes as follows
To all that me knows and loves
Guilt is funny, love is funny, sickness is funny. It all in the end, ends up fucked up. me leaves behind many friends and family and me loves each and everyone of them in their own way. Me just can't live with meself after all that has gone down in the last 2 weeks. Me has hurt many people, done some bad things, and been someone me is not. Me hopes that people can one day forgive me for what me has done. There is once certain person that me would like to say me is sorry to and me hopes that you goes on to has a happy life, me figures that if me erases meself totally out of yer life, you will soon know what me is talking about, then you will be able to move on with no memories of me other then a broken pocket. Thanks for everything you did. Please dont feel guilty, me did it to meself.
In that part of the note ~ I see the words GUILTY written all over it, and yesterday he had the fuckin gall to tell me I, ME SASSY was going to look like a damn fool. I got a little bent on chickie because I thought at first she called ME SASSY a liar. I'm down right fuckin pissed over this whole bloody thing. THEN to make the best of it. A friend of ours whom I shall call "B" feels guilty over this whole mess. Now he's not doing so well either and so help me fuckin jesus, if he "offs" himself because of guilt. I'm going to bring them all back from the dead to kill them my damn self. B feels guilty because he said if he had of kept his mouth shut, boyfriend wouldn't know nothing of proof being brought up against a liar and boyfriend would still be here. I'm pretty sure that chickie told boyfriend that she was digging up proof but I'm not entirely sure.
So in recap, I got offline around 9:20pm, give or take a few minutes. Was in bed by 10pm, by 6am this morning the world fell apart. So now, I must be a strong set of shoulders for whoever may need me. To the few of you that read the blog that are a part of this, I'm here for you if you need me, I'll do what I can. Love you all!
*~*Chow*~*
Rest in peace *boyfriend* I will one day meet up with you again!
Monday, May 12, 2008
So long since I've been here!
Not much has really happened since I have been here last. To what few readers I have thanks for sticking by me. I will promise to try and write alot more now that my life seems to be in shambles I really have no much else to do so blogging will be alot easier.
For starters, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on March 18th at 8:38am, he weighed 7 pounds 12 ounces and was 20 inches long. I know how have my 2 baby boys. I'm loving being a mommy of 2 but its a bit more tiring then a mommy of 1.
Next, as of right now my hubby and I not together. He's had enough of me I guess and said he needs a break so he is currently staying with friends of ours until we either work it out or leaves and goes back home to Newfoundland. We shall see what happens. I'm not even sure I want to work it out because I'm tired of getting shit all the time when I try and do what I can. Its never good enough. I know he has alot of stress being the only person bringing in the money and having to make sure that the kids are looked after but its not like its easy for me either. So I'll keep you updated on that.
My gramma went into the hospital on May 9th for a triple heart bypass and I got a call Friday afternoon saying she wasn't very good. I went up and seen her for half and hour then come home and totally lost my shit. I was inches away from the MH and a good friend of mine online talked some sense into because houstan I was aching for the white light. I'm happy to say that she's doing wonderful now and it looks as though she'll be coming home sometime this week. I'm not sure I like the thought of her coming home that fast because I mean she is 74 but I'll go and help her when I can.
Seems I have lost a few friends along the way of this as well. It really shouldn't be a big surprise to me however because they have their lives and me being a mom of 2 small children dont fit it with their ways now I guess. Ah well, I'm upset over it but nothing I can do about it. People choose their path in life and if I'm a stepping a stone and they do the step over me then so be it. I'm use to being a loser. Honestly being a loser is alot less heartbreaking.
So I'm ending for now, so until next time
*~*Chow*~*
For starters, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on March 18th at 8:38am, he weighed 7 pounds 12 ounces and was 20 inches long. I know how have my 2 baby boys. I'm loving being a mommy of 2 but its a bit more tiring then a mommy of 1.
Next, as of right now my hubby and I not together. He's had enough of me I guess and said he needs a break so he is currently staying with friends of ours until we either work it out or leaves and goes back home to Newfoundland. We shall see what happens. I'm not even sure I want to work it out because I'm tired of getting shit all the time when I try and do what I can. Its never good enough. I know he has alot of stress being the only person bringing in the money and having to make sure that the kids are looked after but its not like its easy for me either. So I'll keep you updated on that.
My gramma went into the hospital on May 9th for a triple heart bypass and I got a call Friday afternoon saying she wasn't very good. I went up and seen her for half and hour then come home and totally lost my shit. I was inches away from the MH and a good friend of mine online talked some sense into because houstan I was aching for the white light. I'm happy to say that she's doing wonderful now and it looks as though she'll be coming home sometime this week. I'm not sure I like the thought of her coming home that fast because I mean she is 74 but I'll go and help her when I can.
Seems I have lost a few friends along the way of this as well. It really shouldn't be a big surprise to me however because they have their lives and me being a mom of 2 small children dont fit it with their ways now I guess. Ah well, I'm upset over it but nothing I can do about it. People choose their path in life and if I'm a stepping a stone and they do the step over me then so be it. I'm use to being a loser. Honestly being a loser is alot less heartbreaking.
So I'm ending for now, so until next time
*~*Chow*~*
