Sassy's World

Anyone who knows me, knows how terrified I am of funerals. The whole dead thing wigs me out a bit, hell it wigs me out a whole lot. I know we all die and blah blah blah but still. I dont like to SEE dead people.

I'll tell you a bit of why I'm so terrified. First off...I was only 8 years old when my grandfather on my mom's side died. We were never close he scared the shit out of me because he was so miserable. He never smiled, always grumbled you could never understand him and never seemed happy to see anyone but his dog. We only use to see him about 4 times a year which was plenty for me. Mom would tell me "oh we are going to see grandpa and Aunt Myrt today" I would try everything to get out of it. Never worked, my brother and I were tossed in the car against our will and off we went. My legs would shake all the way up to the door and when he'd open the door there was never a hi, nothing...

"MYRTLE....They are here"

Thats what we would get...Yeah love you too you old fucker! So my brother and I would sit in the living room in fear while he grumbled and everyone else talked, laughed or whatever have you. Grandpa found out in 1980 that he had cancer and did nothing to try and beat it, he just let himself die which pissed off alot of the family including my uncle...So Dec 27th 1987 we get the call that grandpa had died. Mom was crushed, my brother was freakin out cause mom was crying, I really didnt know what to do so I just went to my room and shut the door.

Time for the funeral!

We all get ready to go and I have to keep telling myself....He's dead, he can't scare you no more...over and over cause I'm still terrified. We get to the church and the service starts and we go through it all and mom is telling me through the entire service how she wants me to go up and see grandpa and say "goodbye" I tell her no and in my head I'm think "yeah screw you...My luck he'll wake up and grumble at me" well after the service I'm MADE to go up. My legs are like jello, my hands clammy and mom and I go up. Dad stays with my brother in the pew. We get up there and mom is talking to him saying she misses him and all that jazz...I lean over to say goodbye...and BAM

The fuckin glue on his eye let go...The fucker is staring at me with one eye open and one closed. Mom freaks out and his the floor...Fainted! I can't move, my legs are stuck to the floor and I'm screaming with every ounce of power I have in me.

My dad comes up to me and says are you ok....WIthout even thinking it starts to spew out of my mouth..

"the son of a bitch scared me when he was alive...and now THIS! I swore off funerals!

I had nightmares for months.

When I was 13 I watched some guy blow his brains out over a game of Truth or Dare. They dared him to pull the trigger and he did it...I was freakin out before he pulled the trigger but noone believed he would do it...I knew he would but noone listened to me because I had tits and no idea what I was talking about. So BANG..he's gone and we are all questioned and grilled and I had to see a shrink for years because of that...

THEN

I'm in grade 11 working in a old age home. Yeah I know that old people die and all that but....When they sent me down to wake Dusty for her supper I touched her and she was like a block of ice.. I went upstairs ever so calm to tell them she wasn't gonna make it for supper...They asked why...and for whatever reason I cracked off "because she's having lunch with the big man today" I had the rest of my co workers stunned. Then the head cook goes ooooooooooooooooo she's dead! DING DING...We have a winner...they make me go back down with the guy to make sure.. Shit dude I already seen her once do I have to go again?! For sure I did...Yep it was confirmed...she was dead for about 16 hours. WTF! they didnt check on her for that long?

So that is WHY I'm not a big fan on funerals, dead people and such.

Well a good friend of mine with a whole load of problems commited suicide last week so I had to go to a funeral today. He was only 28 years old :(. I so didnt want to go to the funeral but what kind of friend would I be if I didnt. So I went...The service went on for what seemed like forever and then I heard the words...Them dreadful fucking words...."Sassy you need to go up and say goodbye" I just looked at M and said 'Like fuck I do, I'll say goodbye from here' I had already gone up and said a few words about the deceased and almost puked while doing it, I'm not a fan of public speaking at all...

Well CA wanted me to go up with her so I gave in and went up...She kissed her brother goodbye and told him she loved and would see him soon. THEN some asshole comes up behind me...Pokes my sides and screams BOO.....

I screamed! CA fainted....and M freakin lost his marbles on the idiot. When I turned around and seen who it was I told him...its gonna be a double funeral jerkoff...He knew about my fear of funerals and decided to play it on me

Fucker!

*~*Chow*~*